either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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