Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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