the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
