I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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