i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He? As in you personified your dick?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
