Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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