he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ok first of all what the fuck
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
