His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were trust falling into bushes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
