Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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