Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
