I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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