I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
