if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
