Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
