kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's the barista slut.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just gargled with NyQuil
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
