dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
