What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
