Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
