I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
