Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
