I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
