Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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