i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
