My first STD was from a foam party
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
