When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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