An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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