She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
