after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
