You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
