At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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