I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
