Fuck appropriateness.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
