I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
