He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
