the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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