so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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