So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
