After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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