you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
