Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
