He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
