One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
