Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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