He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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