No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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