she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
