The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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