I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
