just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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