do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
