somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
