Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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